counting the years

Again, this was written several years ago, and offers a glimpse into our journey. Yesterday I spoke with a friend of mine who has been trying to get pregnant for over a year now. When I was only a year into it I didn’t tell anybody. I kept it to myself, didn’t share. Big J wasn’t really ready. He was willing to try as long as he didn’t need to go to the doctor or Read More

alarm

I haven’t slept well for over a week. Big J’s job taking a toll on his time, suddenly, he has decided to wake early to exercise before heading to work. It’s annoying. Don’t get me wrong. I want him to be healthy. To take time to do the things he needs and wants to do. But waking to an alarm makes me angry. I only set an alarm if we’re leaving on a trip or Read More

laparoscopy

It was my third surgery. For endometriosis. Even though I arrived at the hospital at five-thirty in the morning decked out in sweats and an oversized flannel shirt, I wasn’t warm for long. Soon after arriving I was called back to change into my surgery get-up: a paper thin, one size fits all, flapping gown and a pair of grey no-skid socks that barely felt like fabric. Thankfully, I remembered to close the door while Read More

getting zzz’s

I used to be a sound sleeper. The train that came through town didn’t wake me. I hardly registered noisy teenagers walking by at two in the morning. Thunderstorms were my lullabies. Even hurricane Hugo didn’t move me from my bed, much to my mother’s dismay. And then I got married. Sharing a room with a little sister or a friend in the dorm is not the same as sharing a bed, a life. And Read More

grey

A couple months ago I took Little E to the doctor for a checkup. Before we left, the physician’s assistant said she liked what I’d done with my hair, the highlights looked nice. She paid me a compliment, so I said thank-you, but it took me a minute to figure out what she was talking about. A while back I got my hair cut. Shorter than I can remember having it maybe since I was Read More

breasts

(Sorry, Dad, if this is too much information.) A few weeks ago I received an invitation, disguised as it was, to come back to the breast imaging center for additional views of my breasts. No reassurance that it was just unclear pictures or not a wide enough view from my mammogram the week before. Just come. It’s an inconvenient invitation, one I would rather have not received. I don’t think I’m afraid, not anxious. Perhaps Read More

mutant

Big J calls me his little mutant, though he does say it with love. I suppose in a way I am a mutant. I have an extra pair of ribs called cervical ribs. They cause something called Thoracic Outlet Syndrome. These extra ribs are in an area of the neck called the thoracic outlet and because they are not supposed to be there they obstruct the nerves and blood vessels coming through there. That, combined Read More

grey

Today I took Little E to the doctor for a checkup. Before we left, the physician’s assistant said she likes what I’ve done with my hair, that the highlights look nice. She paid me a compliment, so I said thank-you, but it took me a minute to figure out what she was talking about. About nine months ago I got my hair cut. Shorter than I can remember having it maybe since I was a Read More

this body

Big J and I just got back from a homeschool conference, my mind and heart full of encouragement, ideas and hope for the year to come. The vendor hall buzzed with activity and we were able to look over a few things we were thinking of adding to our curriculum. Overall, it was a wonderful time together, just the two of us (surround by a couple thousand people), as well as a time to learn Read More