life after fostering baby a, part 2

*Continued from life after fostering baby a, part 1. At 8 o’clock on Tuesday morning, Baby A was taken to meet his family, introduced to strangers by strangers. And we were not allowed to be there to comfort him, to ease the transition. We were able, however, that afternoon to go meet his new family and eventually bring him home with us for the night. His caseworker’s supervisor met us in the lobby and told Read More

life after fostering baby a, part 1

*For those of you living this with us, you’ll know it’s actually been a couple weeks since Baby A left. However, I chose to keep the timeline intact as if it’s only been five days. It’s been one week since Baby A first met his family. Five days since we last held him, comforted him, kissed him goodbye. Five days of a black hole of information, not knowing how he is, if he’s sleeping well, Read More

saying goodbye to baby a

When Baby A is placed with his adoptive family next week he will have been with us five days shy of nine months. It feels like a lifetime. And in reality, it has virtually  been his entire lifetime, so far. I can only imagine the grief that is to come after we say our final goodbye. So much so, that I can’t find adequate words, any words, to express where my heart is right now. Read More

baby a

We’re now well into April and our foster baby, Baby A, is still with us. At some point along the way he began to feel like my baby, my child. And yet I know I will have to let him go. The heartache I will experience, the loss Big J, Little J, and Little E will feel, brings to mind his birth mother. His birth father if he knows of Baby A’s existence. What must Read More

a rock running a marathon

“What’s that,” you ask? “How can a rock run?” Well, okay, I don’t mean it literally. You see, I am the rock. Or at least I’m supposed to be a rock, according to a parenting book I read not too long ago (okay, apparently it was back in June of last year, but it feels like not long ago). It talked about how our job as parents is to be grounded, stable, to be that Read More

baby brain and the holidays

We’ve had a foster baby with us for a couple of months now. He’s super cute, has a full head of black, curly hair, and has eyes so big you can see him soaking in the world around him. He joined us when he was just a week old so I’ve had interrupted sleep and feel like I’m just coming out of a baby fog. We’ve been living in this dichotomy of falling absolutely in Read More

stuck in midair with Sarah

Welcome, Sarah, to myferriswheel. Thank you for sharing a part of yourself with the world. Sarah Johnson is a wife and mother who homeschools her kids, enjoys arranging flowers, powerlifting, playing the trumpet, and occasionally works as a nurse practitioner in her spare time. You can find her on FB (Craig-Sarah Wilson Johnson) or reach her at What specific hurdles into parenthood have you faced and what does your family look like today? When Read More

stuck in midair with Kimberly

Welcome, Kimberly, to myferriswheel. Thank you for sharing a part of yourself with the world. Kimberly is just beginning to emerge from the baby-induced brain-fog of the past seven years, and hopes to someday take up where she left off at (truth and grace in marriage) and (the journey from infertility to parenthood). She is also a freelance writer and editor, is blessed with a husband who also is a great father, but Read More

ferris wheel: stuck in midair

Since the arrival of Counting Colors, I have encountered many women who have been impacted by infertility, loss, or adoption. And many of them have expressed the fact that they don’t feel understood, don’t feel they have a voice. Grief and hard places can be isolating, can make you feel stuck, like a Ferris wheel arcing up and around only to stop at a place you don’t want to be, dangling you in midair, perhaps Read More

when books don’t sell

Recently, I spent a few days at a writing conference in the Blue Ridge mountains. One of the options presented to published authors was to bring books to sell in the conference bookstore. Though my book is poetry, and poetry generally doesn’t sell well, I decided to take several copies of Counting Colors along. Never having had a book published before, it felt strange and at the same time kind of wonderful to mention I had a Read More